I’m an awkward individual. And I absolutely hate awkward situations because of how they make me feel. Noone really knows exactly how I feel about them, because I don’t show it, but yea.
So at work, there are awkward situations all the time. All the time. I never want to interact with anyone because I have nothing to say to them. I don’t really want to continue working here, but there is really nothing else out there. And I’m just physically, mentally and emotionally very tired of everything. I really just want to sleep.
I also really just want to work on my music, but there is no career for that at the moment. I just need to continue working here until something else pops up. But as for now, this is where I am.
I think I need to value myself as a person in order for me to stop being so awkward. I feel like I need to talk to someone on the basis of how I think they would want me to talk to them, but that that is not ever true. I need to talk to them how I would talk to them. Be myself.
It’s hard for me to do that, this life is so hard, but it’s ok.
This weekend, I need to spend time working on my music. I need to really work on the new song, and put it together, and then I need to work on my other songs. I also want to get some headway made on my dress, and get my workouts in, and work on making new food for the week. Then do some more cleaning, etc.
Lord, I just want to be normal, and live a normal stress-free life. It seems like I’ve been more unhappy than anything else in the last few years, and that’s because I can’t relate to people how I would like to relate to them. I’m not outgoing, and I’m not the type of person that doesn’t care if someone doesn’t like me, or doesn’t relate to me. I’m just not that person. I want to do the things I want to do, and not what I think people want me to do. I don’t want to do things based off how they think of me.
I don’t wanna be normal. I wanna be myself lol